erica vs. the momma

I want desperately to write about something besides babies. Anything at all. Believe it or not, there was a time when there was more to my life than breastfeeding and washing onesies. And getting peed on and changing diapers. I'm pretty sure there's still a shred of myself here somewhere, buried under all of that stuff; somewhere, the Erica still exists beneath the Momma, and she has some things to say. I think.

The fact of the matter is, it stops being about you the minute you find out you're pregnant. Everything you do suddenly revolves around baby, and that's all anyone wants to talk to you about. Eventually, it's all you can talk about because it has completely consumed your life (as it should-- you're growing a human being, after all) and relating to anything else is borderline impossible. And when that baby is finally here? Forget about it.

Sometimes I wonder when it all happened. Just three years ago, I was fratting all over State College and changing my major every five seconds. Now, I'm married with a baby and getting four consecutive hours of sleep is the biggest accomplishment of my day. Blink of an eye? Understatement.

I mean it when I say that I am the luckiest girl in the whole world. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I hold that title. I'm only 22 and already I'm married to an incredible, strong man, and together we have a healthy sweet boy.

We may not have a lot, but we have enough, and that's all you can really ask for. It isn't lost on me, though, that it has all happened very fast.

But that's what your twenties are supposed to be-- life happening in big obvious ways, all at once. It's the decade of graduations and first jobs; getting engaged and getting married; having babies and buying houses. These last few years, it seems like my life has been on fast forward, hurdling ahead from one milestone to the next; I don't think I've really had the time to process it all. While it's surely an incredible adventure, it's still incredibly scary.

All new adventures are bound to bring about change. Relationships evolve, roles are redefined, new dispositions are discovered; becoming a momma is no exception. I just hope that the Erica doesn't get completely lost in the Momma. That girl who sang in All State Chorus? She's still there, singing "Stand By Me" for the five-hundredth time so Landon will fall asleep. The student council president? She's busy running a household.

This girl?

Well, she had her moment in the sun.

I'll figure out how the Momma fits in with the Erica eventually. There might be a few (hundred) more posts about babies first, but he's cute so you're over it. Don't miss me too much-- I'll find my way back.

one month old

My sweet boy--

You are one month old today.

Already, you have grown so much!

When you were born, you weighed in at 7lbs. 4oz. and were 21 inches long. Now, you are 8lbs. 13oz. and 21.5 inches long!

You spend most days fighting sleep, giving people the stink eye, crying for boobs, peeing on yourself and others, and hating on tummy time. Seriously hating it.

You make about 9,346,085,304,230,450 different facial expression a day, and I love every one of them.

You get the hiccups more often than any kid I know.

You snort and turn bright red when you're really huff-and-puff-and-blow-your-house-down angry.

You have to have your hands near your face at all times.

You always do a victory fist pump after all of your big accomplishments-- a long nap, a big poop, a loud burp.. You're a man's man.

You look more and more like your daddy every day.

Momma snuggles are your favorite (mine too) and the only way you'll sleep after 5AM.

You're always trying to hold your head up like a big boy, and I think it's because you love to know what's going on around you. You might only be able to see about a foot away from your face, but you are quick to fuss if we block your view!

I can't believe you are already a whole month old. It's happening way too fast. Everyone said it would, but now I actually believe them. Sometimes, I look at your little face and I can imagine what it's going to look like a month from now.. a year from now.. and then I cry because I'm a total sap. While I can't wait to watch you grow and experience all the "firsts" along the way, can you slow it down a bit? Pretty please?

You are the beat of my heart and the best part of every day, and I hope that you know just how special you are.

Love you, kid!