Six for Sunday

RELIEF: Ever since graduating in May, I've been a tightly wound ball of nerves, just a straight jacket away from being committed, in anticipation of getting HIRED. Everything I've worked for. If you've ever doubted the physical impact of stress, just take a look at my greasy face and the five pounds of Nutella around my waist. But two months and six interviews later, I HAVE A JOB and all is well! I am the newest third grade teacher at an amazing little neighborhood school, and count myself incredibly lucky to have been chosen for the position. I feel like I can finally breathe. 

Thoughts on censoring: Sharing your thoughts in a public forum becomes a tricky thing when your readers could also potentially be the parents of the children you teach, or colleagues, or superiors. I've done a lot of thinking about this and, honestly, it has a lot to do with why I haven't written much in the last couple of months. I certainly don't have anything to hide, but there are boundaries all the same. Writing is and always has been cathartic for me, and I hope that it continues to be an outlet. I've toyed with the idea of keeping a private journal rather than blogging, but it isn't the same. I love blogging for the same reason I love to read the blogs of others-- it's part of the human condition, I think, to want to relate to other people, to find encouragement and validation in the lives of others. I like being part of that, even if for the sake of one other person. There have been so many times that I've read a post that made me feel like I was okay-- I'm not the only mom who hides in the bathroom on occasion when hubby comes home because for the love, just give me five minutes to exist and not speak to anyone,* or the only woman who wrestles with the hot mess that results from trying to "have it all." If any one of my posts can do that for someone else, I'm doing alright.

My kid is biting people. Namely, me. Just me, actually. We have certainly hit the ground running with this toddler thing, let me tell you! Little Dude has been testing the waters with lots of things, seeing what we will tolerate, I guess. Lots of temper tantrums happening around here, complete with tears and pouty lips and jello-like limbs splayed out on the floor. Any attempts to offer a different toy/option/sippyfortheloveofallthingsholy are usually denied and, as of this week, he does this thing where he cries and puts his sad little face on my leg like he wants to snuggle, just before biting me with his razor-sharp munchkin teeth. I've talked with lots of moms who have survived toddler-dom, and am hoping to use their advice to nip this in the bud. Wish me luck!

Always be kinder than you feel. I saw this quote on Pinterest a few weeks ago, and have been really committed to living it. Some days it's harder than others, but I'm trying and that's what counts. It's definitely easy to let people and situations get the best of you, but it feels so much better in the end when you just show kindness. Even when it seems unwarranted-- that's the hardest. It's a work in progress, for sure, but definitely worth trying.

Big moves! After three years in our apartment-- our first apartment together-- we're moving! We found the perfect townhouse just over the PA line, and are beyond excited to move in next month. Our apartment was a good fit for a while, but it's time for more space and a nicer neighborhood for Little Dude. Between a new job, a new place, and burning the candle at both ends to keep everything together, I'm ready for September to be here. I'm hopeful that by then, everything will be settled and calm. September is looking pretty good.

Feeling blessed. Despite the everyday hustle and bustle and sometimes blah of life, I have it pretty good! My kid is happy and healthy (well, minus the toddler-tantrum-biting thing and our current bout with the never-ending pinkeye thing, but you know what I mean), hubby and I have good jobs that provide for our family, and we have each other. In the end, that's all that matters, right? We have each other.

Have an amazing week :)

*From an incredible blogger you should TOTALLY check out!

May

Erica the Great turned one year old this month. Did you know that? I didn't know that. I was probably in a stress-induced coma after eighteen hours of teaching/working/existing. I was missing it. I've been feeling that way about a lot of things lately.

One of my favorite bloggers recently wrote about getting "quiet" online when real life is happening, and I can closely identify with that. This semester has been one big whirlwind of life happening. And I've been so busy just trying to keep my head above water that I've hardly lived it, let alone blogged it.

As this semester comes to a close, I'm standing at a precipice. I've worked SO HARD to get here, and big things are finally starting to happen! I'm hesitant to write about them right now, in fear that they might not come to fruition; they're still too fragile. Have you ever felt that way before? Afraid to speak something into existence? For now, there will be lots of hoping, wishing, and finger-crossing. And praying-- lots of praying.

I've been waiting for May to get here all year, and it's officially minutes away. May means a lot of things-- the end of student teaching, the beginning of the job search, VACATION AND GRADUATION, and Landon's last month as a something-month-old. It's finally here and I feel like I can almost breathe. Almost.

Hoping that May also means time to write again. I'm a lot of things for a lot of people, but writing? That's just for me.

HAPPY MAY.

------

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life the laws of the universe will be simpler."
[Henry David Thoreau]

Friday Facts: Too White For Zumba

Fact #1 I am too white for Zumba. But I continue to go and make a fool out of myself because, well, someone has to be that white girl (and it's a lot more fun than running on the treadmill). Here I am! Enjoy the confidence boost while I awkwardly booty-drop on the off-beat.

Fact #2 If there were a Hoarders: Computer Edition, I would be the first person on the show. Assemble the intervention team now. In an effort to organize and protect my digital life, I invested in an external hard drive and attempted to backup all of my pictures/docs/MYLIFE last night and almost had a panic attack. Thank God for my husband for a) teaching me how to use it and b) not leaving me because I'm obsessive-compulsive and clearly a psycho.

Fact #3 I didn't just pass the Praxis, I KILLED IT. I've been freaking out for months about those tests and the results are finally in: 182, 192, 193, out of 200. Only needed a 160 to pass. BOOM.

Fact #4 As long as someone (please, for the love of God) hires me in the fall, I only have to work at Outback for 24 more weeks. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! I can almost see it! Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that I have a job and the money to support my family. HOWEVER, I've worked there for over three years now. It's time.

Fact #5 The last five pounds of baby weight, a.k.a. the spare tire around my waist, need to go! Summer is not very far away and it would be nice to wear a bikini without feeling like a whale. My historically-high metabolism is really failing me these days, and I'm basically too lazy to do real exercise (making a fool out of myself in Zumba doesn't exactly count). Do they make diet Nutella?

Fact #6 Since, let's face it, I probably won't get around to writing Landon's nine month post in the foreseeable future, you should know that his head is in the 99th percentile. In the words of our pediatrician, "If there was a 100th percentile, he would be in it." Big head = lots of brains? I knew he would be smart like his momma. Did I mention he's cruising the furniture these days? Watch out, world! Baby genius on the move.

P.S. Fact #7 This is ridiculous. I just cry-laughed while it played on repeat roughly seventy times. Happy weekend =]

BURSTING

HELLO, MARCH!

Is it just me, or are January and February the dreariest months of the year? There's just something about them-- like they're gray and cold and downright depressing. Not to wish the year away or anything, but I'm kind of really glad they're over! Spring is just around the corner, which means vacation is just around the corner, which means graduation is just around the corner, which means OHMYGOSHI'LLHAVEMYLIFEBACK!

At least, a little bit.

I've had zero time to breathe, let alone blog, recently, so I'm practically bursting with things to say.. which you may or may not care about, but this is my corner of the world so HA! you don't make the rules.

First, there's this:

I am recently obsessed with this little nugget, thanks to one of the awesome bloggers I regularly stalk-read. How can you not love this kid? This video is partly responsible for pulling me through the Jan/Feb slump. We were made to be awesome.

Which brings us to this:

While my time at Penn State only accounts for the first third of my college journey (and 100% of my student loans-- yikes), it is a community that will always have a special place in my heart-- particularly when it comes to THON. Penn State Dance Marathon is the single largest student-run philanthropy in the world, and has raised over $100 million since its conception in the 1970s to fund research and care for pediatric cancer patients through the Four Diamonds Fund. Fundraising efforts culminate in a 46-hour dance marathon every February. This year, we raised $12.3 million FOR THE KIDS! I can't help but be Penn State Proud =]

And then, on a totally unrelated note, there's this:

I am going absolutely CRAZY, waiting for JT to release his new CD! Slightly obsessed. I've also been doing a lot of The Lumineers and Alabama Shakes lately. The fact that windows-down jam-sesh season is only about two months away is SO EXCITING.

Then, there are my second grade rugrats-- love them! Almost halfway through this student-teaching experience and it's going really well. Definitely keeping me busy, hence the slacker-status in the blog department, but here's the bottom line-- this isn't just student-teaching. This is a 14-week long, live, in-person interview. This is my one and only shot at being the kind of teacher that will get hired in the fall. Let's hope I'm getting it right?

And then there's my mini. He isn't so mini anymore! He's 9 months old today and dying to conquer the standing and walking thing. He is a pretty unhappy camper these days, thanks to two front teeth coming in. His little life currently revolves around grilled cheese, baby jail, and the unicorn song (Good Night, Sleep Tight Kidsongs video, anyone?) and I promise I will share some pictures if/when I get around to his nine-month post. His first birthday is rapidly approaching, and this momma has lots of Seuss-themed ideas up her sleeve =]

And now.... it's 2:40 in the morning and I have to be up in four hours. Oops.

So what's new with you?

Happy Tuesday!

On Being M.I.A.

Student teaching has officially swallowed my life. I kind of just want to sleep for three days. Ok, not kind of, REALLY. And on top of it, I was struck down by the plague and have been feeling a lot like this lately:

Except less sexy and more sweatpants. There have been a lot of sweatpants.

Here's to crawling out from under it and reclaiming five minutes of my personal life?

Friday Facts

Fact #1 These aren't Friday Facts. They're actually Sunday Facts, which sounds stupid because it isn't an alliteration. 

Fact #2 It would be super awesome if we could somehow add five more hours to the day (then I might be able to write Friday Facts on Friday). With student teaching in full swing, it is becoming increasingly more apparent that twenty-four hours just isn't enough! I knew what I was in for when I signed on for this crazy year, but that doesn't change the fact that it sucks to be running at full-speed every minute of the day. I'm hitting the homestretch, though-- threemonthsandfifteendays threemonthsandfifteendays threemonthsandfifteendays!

Fact #3 Student loan payments are a real life-ruiner. This is the first official month of my repayment period, and it won't be over until Landon is twenty-one. TWENTY-ONE! Good thing I stole Doritos and toilet paper from a frat one time. Really got my money's worth.

Fact #4 Just kidding. If I hadn't taken two years to stumble through Penn State, and then another two to "find myself" at community college, I never would have ended up where I am today-- in more ways than one. Moral of the story? There's value in the journey (even if it's an expensive journey, with a variable interest rate). 

Fact #5 I'm really excited to explore these cool sites with my second graders in the coming weeks! I'm hoping to make my guided reading groups more tech-savvy, as an alternative to traditional classwork. I'll keep you posted on how it goes! I'm fortunate to have an awesome bunch of little people to experiment on :)

Fact #6 Little dude real-crawled for the first time this week! Up on his knees and everything. His motivation? Electrical cords. He has a basket full of toys, but it's the life-endangering things that grab his attention, naturally. So proud of him! I can hardly believe that he's going to be eight months old this week. 

Fact #7 I haven't posted real writing in a while, and I really really want to. If someone could find those extra five hours I mentioned earlier, maybe I can make that happen.

Happy weekend!

Friday Facts

Fact #1 IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN.

Three days of student teaching down, 67 to go. I wonder how many cans of aerosol hairspray made the ultimate sacrifice to produce that music video?

Fact #2 Speaking of aerosol hairspray...

Mom and Scuba Dad, circa 1995. Naturally, my brothers and I think this is the most heinous picture of all time. But then? They were cool. Scuba Dad was doing the metal thing with the big hair (while also maintaining an uncanny resemblance to Tim Curry), in blatant denial that the eighties were over, and Mom was rocking the Kelly Kapowski bangs. They were hot! They were fun! They were... my age?

I can't wait to see what Landon has to say about this in twenty years.

Fact #3 Best hair tutorials ever. Good things come to those who Pinterest (lesson planning, shmlesson planning).

Fact #4 Grab my cane and turn on The Price is Right, I've officially joined the Old and Lame Club. My mom kept Little Man Tuesday night so that we could have some grown-up time, and we didn't even do anything cool. Mostly, we watched bad TV in our sweatpants and ate popcorn until we passed out at 10PM. Who are we?! 

Fact #5 Someone is testing the waters...

         

What's next? A girlfriend? College? 

Happy weekend!

thank you, frostburg

Yesterday, we drove an hour into the middle of nowhere for a three-hour orientation, given mostly in monotone.

It was a really valuable experience.

Oh-- and you should also know that it was 4 degrees outside.

The end.

Friday Facts

Fact #1 On Monday, I sustained an injury from stretching. In a seated position. That's right, folks, I'm 22 and falling apart, one joint at a time. It's gotten better, but I still can't totally look to the right like a normal person without turning my whole upper body. For the better part of the week I've felt like Joey from that episode of Full House that I don't expect any of you to remember because you all have lives and/or are not total losers.

Fact #2 Remember that time I complained that Landon was too busy being Mr. Independent to snuggle with Momma? And I was all heartbroken and boo-hoo, cry-cry? He must have heard me because bedtime has suddenly become very high-maintenance around here.

Fact #3 Being that I am broke as a joke these days, I'm happy to report that I have discovered a cheap alternative to my Dunkin Donuts iced coffee obsession. I was kind of skeptical at first because, let's face it, most instant coffee is disappointing, but this is amazing. It's almost-- dare I say it-- better than the real thing.

Fact #4 You know there's a need for welfare reform when the system hands out benefits left and right to those who take advantage of it, while honest, hard-working people like myself "make too much money" to qualify for health insurance. I wait tables a few nights a week and substitute teach while I go to college full time-- apparently you have to literally live in a cardboard box to qualify for any kind of assistance. I'm usually not one to ask for handouts; I have too much pride for that, to be totally honest. But it would be nice to have access to affordable healthcare, you know, so my seven-month-old can get his shots. Glad my tax dollars are going to the people who really need it.

Rant over.

Fact #5 I made these a few weeks ago to help some fourth-graders review for a benchmark, and used them again today with some fifth-graders. They were way into it-- mostly because it looks like it's straight outta Minecraft-- but one way or another, they were excited about math. I'll take it =] Teacher friends-- feel free to share with your kiddos!

Fact #6 May is shaping up to be the most anticipated month of 2013. Student teaching comes to a close, followed by a week in Florida with my little fam, and then-- drumroll, please-- GRADUATION! The rest of the month will find me planning for Landon's first birthday and praying / crossing my fingers / making human sacrifices (just kidding-- maybe) to the gods of elementary education that I might be offered a teaching position for the fall. Please?

Fact #7 Dying.

Happy weekend!

capable

I was working with a student today who was hitting a wall in math. She had been stuck on a problem for quite some time before she called me over with the words, I can't do it. Before I even walked over to her, I asked Is it that you can't do it, or that you don't know how? She thought about it for a minute, and finally said, I don't know how. Can you help me?

Have you ever thought about that? There's a difference between I can't do it and I don't know how to do it. It seems trivial, but it isn't. The former is a decision-- you have decided that you cannot do it, and you never will. You've closed the door. The latter acknowledges the fact that you might not know how, but leaves the door open to figuring it out.

Kids need to hear that it's okay that they don't get it or understand or don't know how. There are going to be lots of times that you will face something and you won't know what you're doing and you will fail. But if we empower them-- if we encourage them and build them up and show them all the ways that they are capable, AMAZING little people-- they will not say I can't. They will shake it off and admit that they don't know how, but they will reach out and ask questions and use their capable little minds to figure it out. 

Friday Facts

Fact #1 Writing Landon's birth story is going to take the better part of the next decade. I've been working on drafting it for quite some time (I mean, hello, the kid is seven months old) but I'm still not ready to post it. I get really anxious about big life moments (shocker) and want to get it just right before I put it out there for the whole world (or maybe just my mom-- who reads this anyway?) to see it.

Fact #2 It is apparent that second grade pretty much sets the tone for adult life. At least, today it did. One little girl in my class decided to make a valentine (practice for the real thing, naturally) for the boy she likes. When she gave it to him, he responded with a less-than-enthusiastic, "Uh, yea, I guess so," and threw it in the trash. Sounds about right.

Fact #3 I'm probably really late in boarding this train, but Evernote is the greatest app of all time. At least in the top five. Think virtual sticky-notes that sync between your computer and your phone. Being that I am the queen of real-life post-its, this is blowing my mind.

Fact #4 This website is almost as addicting as Pinterest and Facebook. Don't get sucked in. SAVE YOURSELF.

Fact #5 Whether you are a person who prays or hopes or wishes or crosses your fingers, please do all of the above with our little family in mind. Big opportunities on the horizon. Praying and hoping and wishing and crossing my fingers that soon I'll have super awesome news to share =]

Fact #6 

...isn't actually a fact, just a sweet little baby stopping by (in his new dino jammies, looking chunkier than ever) to wish you a happy weekend!

Time for a Haircut

The days leading up to a haircut are so annoying.

Until you actually made the appointment, it probably didn't bug you that much. Split-ends, schmlit-ends. But then you scheduled a haircut and OHMYGODYOUCAN'TSTANDIT. All of a sudden, you're looking in the mirror and a hobo is staring back at you. Everything is wrong and you obsess over it until you're sitting in the salon and your hairdresser PRAISETHELORD is fixing you and all is right with the world.

I think you go through a similar pattern of emotions as you anticipate quitting a job.

Until you have a new prospect in sight, it doesn't really bug you that much. Dead-end, schmead-end. But then you find yourself just a few months away from graduation and OHMYGODAREALJOBISSOCLOSEICANTASTEIT. All of a sudden, you're dreading every minute of work. Everything you kind of hated before is amplified and now you're counting the months, the weeks, the days until you can PRAISETHELORD put in your two weeks and never have to take a food order again. 

And all will be right with the world.

Looking forward to my haircut tomorrow, and the other things that await me in 2013.

seven months

This time last year, I was just starting to show my pregnant belly and going crazy waiting to find out if you were a boy or a girl. And now, BAM-- you're seven months old!

SO many big things happened in the last month, but the highlight? You're a creepy-crawler! You can army-crawl your way across the room in a flash, especially if you're trying to get to something you're not supposed to have. You've recently started rocking on your knees, so I think a full-on crawl is in the near future!

All of this newfound mobility has led to a few changes around the Kozlowski house. First change? Lowering the pack and play so that you don't flip out of it, you crazy little daredevil.

Second change? We bought a baby jail! Sorry, stinky cheese, but your recent conquests for electrical outlets and wires of any kind have just about given me a heart attack. Woo woo for baby jail!

We've continued exploring more table food this month, adding strawberries, blueberries, and noodles to the mix (all cut/squished/mashed so momma doesn't have to do the heimlich). Bananas continue to be a favorite, and you are ever the puff monster! I've been trying to make the transition happen from bottle to sippy cup, but you are not-- I repeat-- NOT into it! I've even pulled out juice as a secret weapon, and you continue to look at me like I have three heads when I offer you the evil sippy. Seems like someone is stubborn like his mother.

That same "someone" has also left his nine-month clothes in the dust! We have officially moved into your twelve-month wardrobe. You are looking less like a baby and more like a little boy every day, and it's killing me! I put you in your first pair of Oshkosh jeans and a hoodie the other day and almost cried like a weenie. Fast-forward a millisecond (okay, two years) and you'll be picking your clothes out yourself and I really will lose it.

This is the outfit I'm talking about, though you can't see the jeans. I can already see the toddler version of you, waiting in the wings.

As if you haven't packed in enough big milestones already, you're getting your first tooth! It's one of your front teeth, on the bottom left, and it's just beginning to poke through like a wee little dagger. It basically came out of nowhere-- no fussing or crying from you, tough guy! Gigi says that most teeth come in twos, so we're waiting to see if she's right =]

This month marked your first Christmas, and it was absolutely perfect. It was so special including you in all of our family traditions for the very first time. And it wasn't until the week after Christmas that you finally noticed the tree (and tried to pull it down on yourself), so we had a relatively disaster-free holiday! You got all kinds of goodies from Momma and Daddy and grandmas and grandpas, but I think the most exciting part for you was the wrapping paper (which is not edible, by the way). It will get even better in the next few years as you jump on the Santa train, and I can hardly wait!

Your favorite toy, Christmas morning.

Noisy toys from Pops, of course =]

A sweet family picture in front of Gigi's tree. Merry first Christmas!

Love you, little dude! So much has changed already, with so much more to come. Happy seven months!

Friday Facts

Fact #1 Some things never get old. PB&J with milk, in sweatpants, watching The Parent Trap is perfection whether you're twelve or twenty-two. It's even better when your child and your husband are asleep ;)

Fact #2 Even though it breaks my momma-heart when Little Man is sick, it's the only time he'll fall asleep snuggled on my chest and nothing in this whole wide world beats that.

Fact #3 I am an avid blog-reader (stalker?) and have yet to figure out how these women juggle families and professional lives and still have time to maintain perfectly manicured posts, day after day. Are there secret bonus hours in the day I don't know about? Because I'll just throw it out there-- twenty-four are NOT enough. Kudos, ladies. You are rockstars.

Fact #4 Christmas is over, so winter can be over, too-- right? No?! I want flip-flops back. And a tan.

Fact #5 I've been too busy recovering from the holiday hustle that I never got around to making an official New Year's Resolution. But I don't think I'm going to resolve to do anything. I'm just going to try. Try to be a better wife, a better mom, a better friend... I'm just going to try. Fair?

Happy weekend!

2012

So 2012 started out a little like this:

Which turned into this:

And in between, there was a whole lot of this:

Looking ahead, 2013 promises to be a pretty big year! I graduate in May, which will hopefully lead to a big-girl job in August. Landon turns ONE (and this momma will cry her eyes out) in June. AND we might start the first official Kozlowski Family House Hunt in the fall..?! There's definitely a lot to look forward to, but I'd still say 2012 is the year to beat.

Happy new year, from our family to yours!