Student Teaching

If you know me at all, you know that I am Type A to the core. Textbook definition. I am the queen of lists, I would have a panic attack if my planner ever went missing, and the very idea of things not going to plan practically throws me into convulsions. I am a perfectionist down to the last detail, and it bothers me when people don't notice how hard I work.

...and I have friends how?

Don't lie to yourself. You may not be this particular breed of crazy, but there's a part of you that's a closet-nutcase and crazy is crazy, all the same. Mine just happens to get in the way all the time.

The motto of my mentor teacher's classroom is "Take chances, make mistakes, and get messy!" and we spend most of each day reminding our kids that these are words to live by; you have to take a chance and trust yourself in order to learn. And while I might talk the talk, I definitely can't walk the walk.

Here's the thing about student teaching. Through the teacher lens, you are constantly analyzing your students, be it through their work, their behaviors, or otherwise. So as a student teacher, you are strangely aware of the fact that you, too, are being observed under this lens, by your mentor teacher and in your own personal reflections. Translation? At any given moment, I am on the verge of a panic attack because I'm so stressed out over whether or not I'm doing everything right.

You're welcome, Pfizer.

Most people can accept the fact that when you're doing something for the first time, you'll probably make some mistakes. I am not most people. I want so badly for everything to be perfect that I obsess over it. And if I don't receive praise for it? It must have been bad. Chalk that up to being firstborn and praised for everything from day one. Also, I'm clearly a nutcase.

While the goal of student teaching is to learn how to teach, I'm finding that a big part of it for me is learning to be a better student-- to allow myself an opportunity to take chances and learn from them. I can see myself in the kids I'm teaching. The kid who is constantly seeking approval? There I am. The kid who has to tell you every time he does something well? There I am. The kid who's afraid to try something because he might be wrong? There I am. Watching them grow and change over the last few weeks gives me reason to believe that someday, I'll be ready to take the crazy down a notch. Until then, just love me anyway =]

P.S. Slacking much? Sorry for the shortage of blog lovin'. I'm a busy lady! Everyone is happy and healthy and enjoying this beautiful fall weather. T-minus seven months until graduation and it can't get here fast enough!

four months old

You are four months old!

This has been a month full of milestones.

You have mastered the art of rolling every which way! Tummy time doesn't freak you out as much anymore, and you're slowly starting to tolerate it for longer periods of time. When you get yourself really worked up, you grab onto the playmat and attempt to launch yourself forward. Something tells me you'll be army-crawling in no time!

You are not a fan of sitting-- after all, why sit when you can stand? You use your wittle ab muscles to get into a siting position, but then you make your whole body stiff so that you can stand. You're pretty wobbly on your feet, but you're bound and determined to make it happen anyway.

You're getting really great at holding your head up! The whole upper-body thing is a work in progress, but you'll get it soon enough, little man. You're becoming more of a little boy every day, and it's so exciting!

We introduced rice cereal this month, and so far it's smooth sailing. You aren't stoked about it (duh, it isn't boobs), but you're giving it a chance. Momma didn't realize there was a rice cereal hierarchy, so we kind of gave you the cereal with fruit instead of the simple stuff, but you liked it so whatever. I can't wait until we can start trying out some baby food!

This is the month of THE FUSS. 

We think you're teething, but actual teeth have yet to be seen. All the signs are there-- there has to be something in your mouth at all times, you drool all over yourself, and, well, you're generally pissed off 99% of the time-- so I'm thinking teeth are imminent. Hoping we get over this hurdle soon so that I can have my snuggly happy baby back!

Student teaching has begun, and the whole not seeing you part really sucks. We're definitely lucky that Gigi can take care of you while I'm way, but it still breaks my heart every morning when I drop you off. Remember what we talked about-- no "firsts" unless Momma is there! Deal? Deal. Sometimes I wish we could go back to those first few weeks of summer so it could be Momma and baby time, all day every day.

One year ago today, I found out that I was pregnant with you. I can hardly believe it's been that long already! In just one year you've grown from a tiny little bean into my almost-fifteen-pound nugget. Who knows where the next year will take us?  Love you more than you know, little man. Do me a favor? Take your time with this growing up thing.